It’s official.  Florida, and all other geographic locations that house Palmetto bugs, are on my sh*! list.  I came home from work this evening, opened the door and immediately had an eerie feeling.  The sort of feeling that only means one thing – Palmetto bug.  These nasty things are in the roach family, so they’re fast moving and ugly as sin.  But unlike the typical roach, they are extremely LARGE.  My first encounter with one of these beasts was when I was first moving in.  Innocently unpacking my clothes and putting them into the closet, I moved a duffel to the side and there he was, motionless.  I knew with one false move, he would scurry out of my sight and into my nightmares, but I had to get weapons.  By the time I returned he was in fact out of sight.  I found him under my bed and the chase was on.  He dashed, I swiped, he got away, I screamed and yelped enough for the neighbors to file a domestic abuse suit.  (No not really…)  In the end, I trapped the little bugger under a glass and shimmied him onto a piece of cardboard where I was able to transport the whole mess out of my apartment and out of my life.  Unfortunately, not for good.

My next encounter was just a few short months ago, but this time I was fulled armed.  Same story….came home, flipped on the light and there he was right below the kitchen sink, hiding under the ledge.  I quickly opened the door to grab the roach killer, which scared him into the living room and we were off!  For awhile I was able to keep my eye on him and got a few got shots with the poisonous mist.  Only problem – after spraying the ENTIRE perimeter of my apartment a few months prior, I was now low on fuel and only mist is precisely what came out of the can.  After practicing my technique a few times, with extra care not to waste too much of the precious poison, I was able to maneuver the can and get a full spray.  While praying that one good spray would exterminate my unwanted guest, I carefully pulled the TV stand away from the wall.  I spotted him scurrying along the wall, but unfortunately wasn’t able to get a good shot.  (It’s amazing how a can of roach killer can make a girl fearless in the face of a monster!)  I coxed him out into the open and then let him have it!  One spray and he was done.

Anyway, tonight when I opened the door I knew something wasn’t right.  I carefully scanned the area for any scurrying pests, but non were to be found.  I stopped in the kitchen, checked the previous spotting ground and then proceeded into the bathroom.  (Nature Calls.)  I sat down, beginning to feel as though this icky feeling may have been only in my head and just in my most vulnerable moment, I see it.  Right in the middle of the bathroom floor, curled up and dead on its back.  Thankfully my work was already done, but it certainly has not prevented the can of roach killer to be by my side for the remainder of the night.  I hate palmetto bugs and I praise whoever invented roach killer spray.  I love you Mr. Roach Killer Spray Inventor Man.  Pretty soon I’ll probably have Green Peace or PETA angriling protesting my blog, but I don’t care!  DIE DISGUSTING PALMETTOS!!  I need a cat.  And another apartment perimeter spray with the roach killer.